 |
|
| Add My OCD Blog to Your Favorite Places |
Jul 25, 2008, A Funny Story...
OK, so I waste a lot of my time checking my website statistics. I discovered that someone typed "peoplw with ocd are loners" in a search engine to find my website. Well...he/she stayed for 3:13 seconds.
Well I can answer that question. I am very much a loner. I have a few friends but I don't trust just anyone. How many people here will admit they are a loner? I'd be interested to know.
Ok, so it was not that funny of a story, but I had to call it something! And, everyone has to read funny stories :-)
BTW, I did think of an odd question tonight. How many drivers in auto accidents are attempting to commit suicide at the time of the accident? What do you think?
Jul 23, 2008, My Personal Hobbies Along With Some Of My Stress Relievers
If you're looking for some good hobbies to relax you in your spare time, look no further, find information out about my past and present hobbies.
Permalink -- click for full blog postJul 22, 2008, How To Handle Daily Crisis
It might be hard for some people to understand, but unfortunately, when you have OCD, everything seems to be a crisis in your mind. You literally cannot stop thinking about bad things that happen. Recently my car bit the dust. Yes, it's something that I was expecting to happen, but I was not expecting it to happen now. How did I deal with this calamity? Alot better than I would have if I was not on medication. I have tried to keep in my mind positive thoughts over the last week. I have since borrowed one of my parents' vehicles to get me by in the mean time.
While I am searching for a new car, I am going back to work full time to be able to afford it. I know, it sucks, but I am looking forward to the extra money. I have recently been obsessing about getting totally out of debt. I plan too much for the future instead of living for today, if that makes sense. My new plan for getting out of debt consists of going back to work full time. When I start making extra money, I will be paying every extra cent towards my credit card debt. Once my credit card debt is paid off, I want to put all the extra money on the car payment. Now by this point, I should hopefully pretty much have the car paid off. After the car is paid off, I plan to start making extra principal payments on my home.
Sounds simple doesn't it? One of the hardest things for me to do is stick with plans, especially when other things come up that I feel have a higher priority. I tend to get stuck obsessing over new situations that come up in life. It's hard not to do, but I feel my medication has helped a lot in that aspect.
On another note, I'm scared to go back to work full time. The hardest thing about working full time is obsessing about the things I could be doing instead of work, like working on my websites or working in my yard. I used to constantly get lost in thought at work thinking about other things instead of concentrating on my job. The worst part I think is that my job is no longer challenging, and I'm seeking out something to occupy my mind so I don't have to think about what I am doing. That is why I build card houses at work.
I'm seriously going to try and start writing in this blog everyday. I appreciate any comments you have about my posts.
Jul 18, 2008, Sitemap Of Obsessive Compulsive Life
Find your way around Obsessive Compulsive Life
Permalink -- click for full blog postJul 13, 2008, Fears, Oftentimes One's Worst Enemy
An examination of what fears a person diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder displays.
Permalink -- click for full blog postJul 13, 2008, Alcohol Addiction, An Ex Alcoholics View Of This Detrimental Disease
Get a view of alcoholism from an ex alcoholic. Find out the history of his alcohol addiction and how he stopped drinking.
Permalink -- click for full blog postJul 12, 2008, Perception, How I Perceive The World Around Me And More
If you've ever wanted to find out the perception of things a person with OCD has, you're in luck, find it here.
Permalink -- click for full blog postJul 4, 2008, Hoarding - Are You A Packrat?
You might ask, what is hoarding? Well, basically hoarding is the act of holding on to items that do not have a sentimental value. For example, you might hoard old newspapers, pop can tabs, food, and other things like that. I'll be honest, I don't hoard a whole lot, but what I do hoard stacks up.
Some examples of things that I personally hoard include microwave meals, greeting cards, and financial records. When I am eating, what I consider properly, you'll find anywhere from 50 to 100 microwave meals in my deep freeze. I like to stock up on them because I hate going to Wal-Mart. In my mind, it's better to make one trip than multiple trips. If I had the room, I would probably buy a years worth at a time LOL.
Do you save your greeting cards that you get from people? I started saving my cards once I moved out of my parents' house about 13 years ago. I have every greeting card I ever got since then. Like my therapist says, it's ok to keep the ones you really like and have sentimental value, but to keep them all is a little ridiculous. I have a horrible guilt complex, I will feel bad if I throw them away.
My financial records, well, it is a good idea to keep them for 7 years, but I have financial records dating back to 1996. When I say financial records, I mean everything. I have all my bills, receipts, and taxes. Each time I get a bill and pay it, I staple a payment receipt to the bill and file it. I match up all my receipts to credit card and bank statements, staple them and file them. Sounds anal retentive doesn't it?
Yesterday, I had to make some room in my kitchen. On the top of my cabinets I keep popcorn tins that I obtained from fundraiser's that my nephews had. There were 5 or 6 of those dating back almost 4 years. They went in the trash. I thought I might use them for something, I really didn't know what, but I thought I could get some use out of them up until I trashed them yesterday.
These are only a few examples of things I hoard. If you look around my house, I know there are many other things. Mostly I hoard things that I think I will have a use for in the future. One of these days, I'm really going to spring clean and get my hoarding habit under control. What about you?
Jul 3, 2008, Balance In Life Update
My life has been much more balanced lately. I'm in the habit of getting up early in the mornings anywhere between 5 am and 7 am. Before I was taking Abilify, I would normally get up between 10 am and noon. The medicine has helped me to be able to handle getting up in the mornings and getting things accomplished. I have been working on my websites in the morning and a little out in the yard too.
Unfortunately, I am still not eating properly. I'm lucky if I eat twice a day now because I just can't get back into the routine of eating microwave meals everyday. I really want to try new things and get disappointed when I can't go out and eat because it is so expensive. I've also been too lazy lately to cook any food. I'm going to work on this though. If I can get back into the routine of eating microwave meals, I will hopefully start losing weight again.
Anyway, that's about all for now. I will hopefully be writing on this website more often than I have been over the last 6 months. If you notice, there are some new things I have added, including information about Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder and I now have a sitemap in case you get lost in the few pages I have on this website. As time goes on, you'll definitely see the site grow and hopefully for the better.
Jul 3, 2008, Vacation in Colorado Springs
Ahhhhh, it's that time of the year that many people travel for vacation. I just went on a vacation last week, unlike the last 10 years of going to Ohio or Las Vegas, I decided to do something new! I went to Colorado. I had not been to Colorado since I was in 4th grade.
See, I normally have a big fear of going to different places. The anxiety is pretty intense at first. Why did I decide to go somewhere different? Well actually, my favorite thing to do is travel and now that I am taking Abilify I feel as if I have started my life over. There has been so much time lost in the past doing the same usual things over and over.
I did not even prepare for this trip. I booked the rental car a week in advance, compared to a month or two. The hotel--well it was booked the day before I left. These are two accomplishments in my head, because normally everything has to be planned out in my life.
I even got two new piercing's while I was in Colorado, just on the spur of the moment. Another accomplishment, I had not got any piercing's for 4 years. I told myself back then that I would like to start get a few more, but I hadn't because I've been so tied up in working and not doing anything too out of the ordinary.
While I was gone, I continued to work about 2 to 3 hours a day on my websites. I did this as to not get out of the habit of working. When I am away from home like that, it's hard to get back in the habit of working when I come back home.
While I was gone, it was a full trip. There were about 5 tourist attractions I visited along with eating out and everything. I even drove to the top of Pikes Peak, which I will never do again. In my opinion, it was scary as hell. Half the road did not even have guard rails and I just knew I was going to go off the cliff. Thank heavens I did not, I made it down the mountain fine, except for overheated brakes a third of the way down.
Jul 3, 2008, Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder, A Relative Of OCD
Learn some traits of Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder that I carry. See how they affect my way of thinking and the difference between OCD and OCPD.
Permalink -- click for full blog postJul 3, 2008, Obsessive Compulsive Addictions I Have Suffered From Throughout Life
There are hundreds of addictions in this world, here is a list of the most common. Get details about how these addictions affect people with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder.
Permalink -- click for full blog postJun 11, 2008, Abilify - A Great Medication
As you can see, I have not kept up with my blogging very well. Yes I have worked on it here and there, but not how I originally planned. My leave from work is now over, so I have been busy with work, along with many other tasks. I helped repair my mom's ceramic tile floor in her kitchen over the weekend and still have half the floor that I have to do this coming weekend!
Enough about that though, I want to let everyone know that Abilify is a great drug for OCD sufferers. My psychiatrist put me on 5 mg a day when I was on my leave from work. I have noticed major differences in my ability to cope with stressful situations along with the increased will power I have to get things done and balance more in my life.
Here's an example, I have now gotten up almost every morning before 8:00 am instead of sleeping in until 10 or 11 am everyday for the last two weeks. This has not only heightened my mood, but it has allowed me to get more stuff accomplished in the mornings. Yesterday for example, I got up, ate breakfast, mowed the yard, went to the casino to cash in some free money, visited with both my sister and mom on the phone, went to Lowe's to "look around" for stuff I can use in my yard, paid some bills, and moved around some furniture. It was one of the most productive days I have had for a LONG time.
If you are not currently taking Abilify, I might suggest to ask your psychiatrist if it could be right for your OCD. I thank the Abilify for my recent increased prompt decision making and being able to "talk myself out of" performing certain behaviors I have. I admit, I still perform several things and let my mind wonder, but the Abilify seems to be making life easier to deal with.
One last note. One of my favorite hobbies is building card houses. I usually do it at work to occupy my mind while I am on the telephone with customers. I had not been doing it for several months, but yesterday, I started building again. It really made the time go by FAST! Hopefully I can continue with this hobby or start working on one of my various other hobbies at work. I'll keep you posted.
May 22, 2008, Self Absorbed Behavior - A Typical OCPD Trait
Marked preoccupation with details, lists, order, organization, rules, or schedules. This is the first of several OCPD traits to be listed on Obsessive Compulsive Life. These preoccupations that people with Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder possess do exactly that, preoccupy your thoughts. In some circumstances, you can be so tied up thinking about the details of a project; organization of your radio station presets; and the scheduling of your day; that you do not remember anything during the time period these thoughts are occurring, you're basically zoned out of reality and lost in thought.
You can be accused of not listening or being self absorbed during these such time periods, but these perceptions aren't correct. I guess in some cases you can call it selective hearing. But, in my opinion, when you're lost in thought, your brain does not process as much external information captured by your sensory organs, as normal. Therefore, during those times you're "lost in thought" there is less memory of external information captured by sensory organs, such as vision and sound.
Too, I've always been "shy" and not talkative to new people most of my life. In those situations, I enjoy getting lost in thought, because it calms my anxiety of being around new individuals. I've always been afraid throughout life that I would be considered a snob, since I never willingly will just approach someone in person and introduce myself or "strike up a conversation". For some reason, I have always lived my life by the phrase "don't speak unless spoken to". Honestly, I don't know where this ritual came from.
On another note, my out of control behavior has improved slightly since I've been off work. I have worked in the yard quite a bit, a little too much even. The bad eating habits have also only slightly improved. I have eaten 4 meals in one day, only once or twice. I have still been smoking quite a bit, and my caffeine intake has went from about 3 pots of coffee a day to 1 or less. I'm still not drinking the amount of water I would like to be drinking too.
As far as my "working behavior", I got my kitchen cleaned really good one day, I swept the garage out for the first time this year, and I've worked on two of my 4 web sites. So, I feel I'm on a good start. All in all, I think it was an important leave from work. It's not over though until Tuesday, so by then, after a 4 day weekend away from everything over the holiday, I'll be fresh for an unusual 10 hour day come Tuesday.
May 10, 2008, Take Antidepressant Medication Properly
Do you currently take antidepressant medication? One piece of advice, take your medication properly. Time after time, I have taken medications and either just cut myself off altogether or fudged a few times. This time I have really learned my lesson.
I'm currently taking Lexapro for my OCD along with Klonopin for when I feel an anxiety attack coming. The problem... I am almost out of my Lexapro, and decided that it would benefit me to extend what was left to get by on until I got my new prescription in. I take 60mg a day, not a small dosage. I decided that it would last longer if I would only take it every other day, or until I started feeling the withdrawal symptoms. The withdrawal symptoms aren't pretty if you've ever had them from Lexapro.
I'm at a point now where I'm very unmotivated and depressed. I have not felt like this in over a year. It was like this right before I was diagnosed with OCD. I have tons of anxiety when I go to work. I've been putting off work on my web sites that I know needs done. All I can think about is what I'm going to do in my yard, and I can't even get motivated to work on it. My addictions are out of control. I feel as if I have failed at having any type of control over my OCD.
Medications don't cure OCD. In my eyes, really there is no cure. Having Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and OCPD are like having diabetes, for example. There is not necessarily a cure for it, but ways to cope with it, like taking insulin and eating properly. With OCD and OCPD, you take your medications to cope with your setbacks and imperfections in life. The medications help you not to become depressed or anxious when things don't go for you as planned. They may play a small part in assisting you to control the balance in your life, but the biggest part of controlling balance is doing it consciously on your own.
I have now gotten to the point where I am taking a short term disability leave from work, in hopes to regain the balance in life I previously had. I'm going to rigorously work with my therapist to get back to eating 4 times a day, instead of once a day; cut down coffee consumption; start smoking less; designate one day a week to each of my web sites; only work in the yard either one hour a day or strictly on weekends; and try to get on a 12 am to 8 am sleep schedule. I've got 2 weeks to accomplish this, before I go back to work.
My point of the day, always take your antidepressant medication properly. One other point, that I learned when I first started taking my meds is do not consume alcohol, it offsets any of the benefits from the medication. Leave A Comment
May 7, 2008, Balance In Life - Part One, Past Attempts
Welcome to my daily blog. If you suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and even OCPD, you know it's hard to find any sort of balance in your life. My boss at work, for example, described me as having a one track mind. This is very true in many ways. I have had the most trouble over the last year since I was diagnosed with OCD trying to find balance in my life. I go from one addiction to another, I start one project and focus solely on it and put everything else off. Then, I go to another project before the first one is even finished.
Some examples would be my web sites. I own 4 web sites. I had not worked on this OCD web site for months, after I wrote the first three pages. I have a credit card web site that I haven't worked on for about two months, and then I do a web site for a bar here in Kansas City that I haven't worked on three weeks. I want everything done perfect right now. It's hard to comprehend that this just cannot happen. True success comes slowly and does not come over night.
The last 5 months with my job have been great. I have worked on average 10 to 20 hours a week. I have a part time schedule of 30 hours a week anyway, but this extra time off has given me a lot of freedom to explore what it will feel like when I am truly self employed. This gained freedom appears to have come to an end for awhile. I will actually have a full week of work this week. Poor me, I don't want sympathy, it's hard to describe the "jail cell" I am in everyday. I have been at this job for 10 years, and all I can think about, or "obsess over" every single day I am there is how soon I will be getting out.
This type of constant thought is not healthy. I attempt to cope with these everyday thoughts in more than one way. I build card houses at work, I listen to music, I draw. These things sometimes help distract my obsessive thoughts, but not always.
May 7, 2008, Balance In Life - Part Two, A New Vision
My ultimate goal, as soon as I can obtain it, will be to contribute information to each of my web sites one day a week, accomplish working my 30 hour a week regular job, having time to work in my yard at least an hour a day, and forcing myself to eat at least 3 to 5 microwave meals a day. It scares me to think of "doing so much", but such is life.
In the past, I have used pie charts scheduling out the tasks I need to complete each day. This worked for awhile. I changed to writing down a "to do" list on Sunday for what I need to get done each week. One other attempt I made was download a scheduler program to sound alarms when it was time to switch to a different task. All of these things have worked for short periods of time. With the scheduler alarm, I felt as if I was running a marathon! It was quite unsettling. What I am going to do now, is just try and get into some type of routine forcing myself to do things in a more balanced way, without the extra assistance of schedules, charts and so forth.
Do you have the problem of getting "stuck" when you are working on tasks? If so, it might be time to get evaluated. It took 10 years for me to finally be diagnosed with OCD. OCD is not always bad, it can work to your benefit in many ways, but it can harm you in many ways also. I was an alcoholic for almost 8 years. I finally saved myself last summer from this way of life, but unfortunately I picked up other bad addictions.
Until tomorrow, think about what things you get "stuck" doing. I can already tell you that one thing a lot of OCD patients suffer from is constant house cleaning. They get stuck doing it, missing appointments, missing work and more! Honestly, I can say, I am happy that this is not one of my problems. True, when I start cleaning house, I clean and clean, but that is why I try not to do it very often. House cleaning is not something beneficial to me, it's not creative, and just gets dirty all over again.
May 6, 2008, What Addictions Do You Have?
Welcome to my OCD Yard. See, my plan was to write about my life every day, and I've missed the last two. Let me say two words... Suspension Bridge. I took all weekend figuring up the cost and all the materials I will need. I accomplished a lot, both towers are in the ground in concrete, but I should've accomplished more. It took probably a total of 16 hours of my weekend.
The problem, admiration. After each section of the project is done, I have to ooh and aw for at least a half hour. I have to look over the work I have done, to make sure everything is perfect, and make adjustments until it is. It goes as far as looking at the object from different angles! In the mean time, while I am taking smoke breaks (one of my addictions) here and there, and re-hydrating myself. Have you ever done the same?
In the evenings, I performed another three addictions. Online cruising, something that I shouldn't mention (no it's not that!), and drinking COFFEE. These are pretty much my nights over the last few months... I'm working to cut these addictions down to maybe one of the three!
I'm always in and out of these types of addictions constantly, jumping from one to another to another, back to the original. I feel as if everything I do is an addiction that I have to learn to control. Some examples include my eating habits. Let me say one thing, very out of the ordinary. Try having Subway for lunch about everyday for at least 4 years. Microwave meals 4 times a day for a span of 2 years. Then all of a sudden start eating whatever I can find, once a day, only when my stomach is hurting so bad I can't handle it. THEN, back to the microwave meals SLOWLY.
There will be much more information about addictions coming to Obsessive Compulsive Life soon. Heck, there will be A LOT more coming, As you can see, I only have 3 pages written.... Here's how it will probably work. I will get on a spree of working on it for a few weeks and add several pages at a time. We'll see how it works out. Until tomorrow, think about your OCD addictions.
May 3, 2008, A Day With Almost Nothing Accomplished
Welcome to my OCD life today. I was off work today. What I do on my days off? Well, I always plan to work on my web sites, but some days it just doesn't happen. Today happened to be one of those days, I got caught up in the yard.
Yard work is my favorite spring, summer, and fall hobby. For some reason, I have decided this summer to complete a new deck, accented with models of Niagara Falls, Stonehenge, the Royal Gorge Bridge, Statue of Liberty, and Hoover Dam. You have to admit, you've never heard of anything like it!
When I plan projects, I PLAN PROJECTS. I decided today to figure up the materials needed and cost for the Bridge. I have it down to the penny almost. Of course, if I find a cheaper place to buy wire rope or a work around, I'll do it. It's consumed most of my day, besides going to Lowe's and writing down pricing for certain items.
My therapist and I had discussed this week how I need to try and balance the yard project with my health, relaxation, and work. I hate to say it, but when I get started on yard work in the morning or early afternoon, I'm out there until the sun goes down, or until I cannot walk, whichever happens first!
The strenuous work doesn't bother me, it helps me lose weight. Last summer I lost almost 30 pounds, but the sad thing is, I gained it back this winter. I have always wanted to work out, with yard work, I feel like it brings balance to that part of my life. Plus it's always great to see what you can create.
The worst part of my day though is that I have not eaten all day. Here the last few weeks, I have been so wrapped up in thought and involved with everything going on in my life, I just haven't been eating but maybe once a day.
My normal diet consists of 3 to 5 microwave meals a day. I find that this ritual works along with the strenuous activity to help me lose weight. Plus, it has many benefits like being cheap, I can eat microwave meals for 1 month for about $150.00! I'm desperately trying to get back into this lost ritual.
I don't know if you find any of this information interesting or not, but I will be writing these bloglets daily. It will help clear my thoughts, and allow you, the reader, to get to know me on a personal level. Sometimes it may be too personal, but, I'm willing to take the chance. I want you to see the full experience of a person living with OCD.
